Back to the Memory Lane - II

Back to the Memory Lane - I

"Yes!!" I told to myself while taking off my sweater and keeping it on the seat next to me as it was not occupied. With that positive note in my mind, I could able to read the novel peacefully.

I heard someone saying a "Hi" and I ignored it as I was not sure whether it was addressed to me or not. Again a louder "HI" and the voice were not that pleasant. I looked up with expressing kind of some light irritation in my eyes. There was a surprise for me. She was standing there looking at the book that I was reading. I immediately expressed happiness in my eyes overriding surprise and that stupid irritation.

I responded, "Hey".

She smiled back to me and that was the first time she smiled at me. There was something special in her smile, name it as "different". I said, "Please sit", taking my sweater and placing it on my lap.

"How do you know that I came here to sit beside you?" she said.

May be she was trying to be very smart with me? But I didn’t care much about it. I replied, "Until now nobody took the pain of walking all the way from that corner of the row till here to say me a Hi!"

"Yeah, you are right. I was getting irritated by the guy sitting next to me. When he is awake he tries to be extra nice and when he is sleeping he snores like a frog"

"Hamm, that’s sad to know. By the way I was not trying to be extra nice to you. I was trying to help someone"

Shit!! Words came out of me! I hate it when people start giving explanation to defend their actions, but it was exactly the same which I was trying to then! I felt like I would not have uttered that line.

"Thank you, you made your point clear though I dint look for any clarification"

I smiled back to her cutting that conservation as I realized that I got into a strange conversation with a stranger!

There were a few moments of silence between us. I was looking outside the window, trying to imagine how nice it will be to fall through that thick layer of clouds below the flight.

"So, you are a software engineer"

"Don’t tell me that your other hobby is face reading!"

"I don’t have to look at your face to tell that" she answered with a smile.

"Yeah, I am one among millions of IT professionals. What do you do?"

"I am pursuing my Law"

"Hamm, Good! Good! We need some good lawyers in India to take up all old cases and give them an end before it’s too late"

"I don’t have any plan to do a revolution in that aspect!"

"Oh come on, you young generation have to change India"

"Can you make it as we young generation?"

I replied with all possible seriousness in my face, "yes, your honor".

She laughed. "Looking at the enormous count of pending cases, it takes ages to close them. And let’s talk something other than law and computers"

[Will continue this in the next post.. soon...]

If ever I had let the madness takeover...

From last couple of days [after this Day Light Savings Time] I am having tough time to fall asleep on my regular time [which is 11 PM]. And it was the same even yesterday. So rather than wasting my time by rolling from one end of the bed to another, I decided to do something different, like how differently I would have responded to some past situations if I was mad at that.

Incident#1:

“I need two years of commitment from you, to work with me” – this is what one of the manager told me, when he wanted me in his team.

I had to smile at that statement and responded, “I guess this is something which I can’t do right now”

“No, I want you to promise me that you are committed for next 2 years” came his reply!

“Nope, I really doubt about it, I think I am the wrong choice if you want 2 years commitment”

If I were mad at him at that time, I would have told him, “I dint even give 2 years of commitment to the company when I was joining, why would I give 2 years of commitment to you, that too after completing 3 years here!?, You must be kidding or how else you end up asking me something strangely stupid like this!!”

And I was telling my friend about this incident and there came his words, “You would have told him that you were not ready to give 2 years of commitment to not even your girl friend”

Point duly noted buddy.

Incident#2:

Many a times when I speak to a friend of mine, he talks about girls, girls and girls and at times it becomes a repetitive pattern. And one of few things which pisses me off is “repetitions”. I can absolutely hate it if I am not interested in that.

“She was one real b#@$&, I really had good time with her. Bla bla bla..” and continues [Sorry, I can’t get into the details]

If I was mad about listening to his stories, I would have yelled “Oh enough of this, I have had enough of this already, I am done listening to this part of your life. And yeah, if ever you think that it’s an achievement, you are hopelessly wrong! I bet you, there are better things out there to do”

Incident#3:

I remember this conversation with a friend of mine, when I was chatting with her:

She: u know what, it’s raining here, I stood in the rain

me: wow :)

She: I got totally wet

me: Hamm

She: u like it? I love to get wet in rain

me: At times I like it when it rains

She: yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I love, I got totally wetttttttttttttt and then could not go anywhere with that dress

me: :-)

She: yeah, I was looking very transparent. so dint go anywhere

me: thank god!

I got myself out of the conversation that day, but given a chance, my madness could have responded to that situation this way “What exactly are you trying to tell now, and what is that you expect me to do now? Can you please stop this crap and yeah, you have got the wrong guy here”

Incident#4:

Though for being here [in Dallas] I get enough time to do “certain” things and I don’t do many things. But one thing which I do is cooking and I enjoy doing it. I do it my way and at times I try out different recipes which I find online and get to know through my friends.

Me being from Udupi [which is south west coast of Karnataka], I use coconut [Believe me, not as much as my mother or any Udupi people does] while cooking, though not always and not for all the recipes. And I don’t like direction unless I am trying out a new recipe. A friend of mine says, “Lets prepare chicken/fish. But don’t put coconut in that”

I simply say “yes” with a smile. But if I let my madness take over me, I would rather say, “What, now you are instructing me on what I am suppose to do and what I should not? If my cooking is a problem, why don’t you do the honor? I am more than happy to eat anything that you prepare, irrespective of how good or bad it is! Do you want any more discussion on this?”

Incident#5:

After reading few of my write-ups, someone made a comment about me, “Is he living in a dream world, can he manage to do something like that?”

Immediate response from my madness would be “Oh come on, you are here to judge me now for what I write? They say don’t judge people according to their appearance or what they wear. I guess we need to discuss on that, why don’t we catch up on this a bit sometimes?”

“It’s my own space and I could write anything – real, fiction, fantasy, I don’t really need to give any damn about what others wants to read out of it or I don’t need to be told by others about what I am suppose to be writing and what not!” ;)

I could not help myself from laughing after recreating all these situations and I slept wearing a smile on my face J

Back to the Memory Lane

I can still feel her smell, like early morning jasmine which is covered by dew. She always liked it whenever I play with her long curly hair, curling her hairs with my fingers, immersing my face on her hair and taking a deep breath, pulling her towards me and spreading her hair on my face. She always felt like a real women when I appreciate her hair. She would say, "Boy, you seems to be in love with my hair and not me"

It was during my trip to Finland when I first met her. I was in Frankfurt, hurrying up to catch my connecting flight back home to Bangalore. Immediately after getting out of elevator I saw someone trying to grab few stuffs spread all over the floor. I saw her from backside and the first thing I noticed was her long curly hair. I went to her and asked, "Do you want me to lend a helping hand?"

"No! Thank you!" was the immediate response from her. I looked back at her and that was when I saw her face. She was young with a beautiful face, but it was stiff and unfriendly. I dint care to bother much and got back to my business of locating my gate number.

I started reading a novel which I do most of the time during travelling. When the boarding started, I got into the long queue and I noticed her standing much ahead of me. Once after occupying my seat, I looked around, not to get a glimpse of her in particular, but I saw her sitting in the same row as mine. She was talking to someone sitting adjacent to her and she was smiling as well. I was still looking at her and changed my sight after realizing that I have been gazing at her for a while. I leaned back to take a nap as I was very tired.

I had slept for an hour before waking up. And the next thing I did after wiping by eyes was turning to my right to get a glimpse of her. It came so naturally that I dint even know what I was doing until I could see her curly hair dropped all the way till her lower back. She was sleeping, facing the closed window. I dint make any effort to shift my view. I knew that I was in love with her hair. And that was the first time I ever liked curly hair. Otherwise I always used to appreciate girls with silky long hair.

I closed my eyes only to continue seeing the images of her stiff face and curly hair flashing in my imaginary world. I tried hard to focus myself on the novel. Probably after an hour or so, again I looked at her as if I was there for that business. Couple of seconds passed by without any happenings. Sitting at the very end of the row, finally, for once she turned quickly and glanced at me. I have been waiting for her to turn and look at me. I dint waste a single second, I gave her one of my best little smiles, dimpled one. Though she dint return the smile, she sounded very happy, I could make out that. It happened in a flash, but still for once I had this feeling that it’s just the beginning.

[Will continue this in the next post.. soon...]

What does it take to have confidence?

When I was in Bengaluru last month, I happen to read an article on Sachin Tendulkar.

Once, during an ODI match again India, Brad Hogg [Australian spin bowler] got this prized wicket of Sachin.

I am not sure whether he kept that ball with himself and asked Sachin to sign on it during post match session or whether he asked Sachin to sign the photograph of the dismissal, but what happend next is very interesting.

Sachin took that object [ball or photograph] signed it for Brad Hoggy and underneath his signature, he wrote, "This will never happen again, Hoggy".

And Hogg could never manage to get Sachin out afetr that!

I wonder what does it take to have that much of confidence!!!

Anshul, my nephew who is 7 months old now, started standing without holding anything. He knows (?) that he cant stand by himself for more than 5 seconds and he will be falling down, but still he dont give up.

Everytime he tries to stand, he will do it for 3-5 seconds, he does all the drama to make sure everyone at home sees him standing and he smiles, laughs, claps and finally falls down, only to end up weeping. But it lasts only for 5 mins, and again he does it :)

For them, "No failure is final, until one succeeds"!

Few of my middle names

I have this habit of coming up with some middle name for myself out of some conversation with a friend of mine. And here is some such sample conversations.

“Dude, these days I sleep very late and by the time I wake up it will be 10 in the morning!”

“Yeah, you need to work on your sleeping habit”

“Tell me this, when do you go to bed?”

“Anytime from 10:30 to 11 and I wake up by 6:30”

“How do you manage to do that?”

“You need discipline for that and Discipline is my middle name!”

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“Dude, did you go to gym today?”

“Yeah, I did”

“You are so regular, I want to hit gym daily dude, but somehow I am not able to, how to do you do it?”

“Dedication, it’s my middle name and you lack that in your life”

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“Dude, how do you read that novel when there are many people speaking loudly?”

“I do, its not a problem for me, I am almost done with this book”

“Don’t tell me, how do you do that?”

“Concentration is my middle name”

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“Dude, it’s been a while since I have heard your new middle name, any updates off late?”

And I replied, “Yeah, f*&$ed up is my middle name now”

About "me" not being Lucky in life...

“neenu bandiddu oLLe panauti bandange aitu” [you came like a bad omen for me]

That’s how my Dad used to tell me whenever he lost a game of cards with his friends. I never liked Mumbai and the only reason I visited Mumbai was my parents were there and also my siblings. I was made to stay back at my village with my ajji [grandma] and chikki [aunty].

He says he always used to win and whenever I go there he used to lose the game and lose good amount of money and at the end of the day, it was me who was responsible for that. For initial few times I was kind of taking it as joke. But as the frequency of he telling me the same increased, I used to feel offended and once I told him not to make me responsible for any of his illegal business, I was never unlucky for any of my friends and my friends always wanted to sit beside me in exam hall as they knew that I would help them somehow to clear the test.

As of I remember I was never unlucky for others, though it is almost evident that I am not lucky enough in life [to myself] as me getting screwed up in life is more than me getting something worthy without much of effort [I think that’s what is luck is all about – to get something without putting lots of effort]

I was not lucky enough to spend my childhood with my parents, and not even with my siblings. I was not lucky enough to hold university rank in BE [I missed it by few marks, and I was lazy enough to apply for revaluation for 2 papers in 5^th semester and those who went for revaluation got minimum of additional 10+ marks], but this is one thing which I was not worried much and the only reason for mentioning this here is to quantify my luck quotient.

I was not lucky enough to save my first love, though she said, “Girish, let’s elope and get married”. Even now she says she will never forgive me for saying a NO to her at that time. I was not lucky enough for my Dad either. I got my whole family from Mumbai to Bengaluru [was where I was working and living then] and he survived for only 6-7 months after coming to Bengaluru and last thing he did before his death was having a fight with me.

I always wanted to donate blood though I have phobia for blood [Haemophobia]. I was thinking that its one way to get out of this phobia. But I used to fail every time. Sometimes they used to declaim telling I was under weight and sometimes I used to faint during the process of blood donating, looking at blood bottles and once [here in USA], they declined saying “One has to live in USA for minimum of 3 years to donate blood!” . I was never lucky to donate a bottle of blood till now!

Whenever I walk through the corridor, I always make a point to look around before walking through a door. A friend of mine always tells me, “Dude, don’t be that conscious, take chance, you might be lucky enough to dash with a girl” and my response would be, “Dude, I know about my luck”. During my 29 years of life, I don’t remember hitting a girl, except for once!

Then I came here to Dallas, during end of August 2008 for some good reasons. And my streak of bad luck lined up big time! Immediately after a month, my girl friend broke up with me! My mother was keeping good health all these years and 3 months after me coming here she fell down from somewhere and broke her knee. I was finding it tough to manage with those two things and my sister came to me with her own problem.

I was unlucky enough to get 2 speeding tickets in a day. When many guys are lucky enough to not to get a ticket even when they were ripping off at 100+ mph, I got one when I was driving at 35 mph! My car got hit by someone behind me when I was not even a mile away from home, that too when I my car came to complete halt because of a car stopped in front of me. I was not lucky enough to enjoy my car for at least an year, forget about losing good amount of money!

And to my horror, the Police report was fabricated such a way that, it says, I was responsible for the mishap! Now I need to fight for this and my India travel is just around the corner, not even 10 days away from today! And to go through all these, all I did was, postponing my India trip by 3 weeks by paying some extra money and the day I was supposed to reach my family, I was met with that accident! Now I wonder whether I can make it as per my current plan or not!

After me coming to Dallas, and joining Nokia, 4 guys sitting in our bay changed the team or moved to different bay! And today my manager was telling me, “Girish, did you observe this, everyone sitting around you have moved to different team. Are you sure that there isn’t any problem with you!?” Though he was joking, that was when I realized, “Oh! Yeah, isn’t it! I came here and occupied this desk and all the 4 guys around me moved out!”

And he continued, “Next its Dennis’s turn”. Dennis is the one who got settled in one of the vacant desk adjacent to mine.

I replied, “I hope, he proves you all wrong”

5 minutes after that we all smelled some burning smoke and they all felt that it is coming from the PC installed 2 minutes before that in the vacant desk next to me. We all turned it off and immediately after that we got to know that it’s coming from a PC in the other corner of the office.

And by then I got a call from my manager, “Hello Girish, what is the problem with you. Even the PC next to you has burnt!!”

I said, “No no, it’s not the one, it’s from a different PC”

He responded, “I was just joking”

I just smiled and he disconnected the call.

I hope and wish that I am not unlucky for others at least! Being responsible for someone else’s misery is the last thing I want to be!

Year 2009

During last week of 2009, there were few threads running on my head to recollect all funny events and to add some important events and make up a nice story out of it. I kind of made up a story too. But, there was a different plot penned by him, for me. So, here I am…

When 2009 just started I was at Los Angeles with my cousin and he wanted to take me to clubs and dance floors. But I was not carrying my passport and I dint had a Driving License then. He gave me proper lecture to make me realize how important it is to have DL here in USA, not just for driving, but also for witnessing every other types of fun.

So, the year started with me getting my Driving License here and also I started working out at LA fitness. Though it was not even 6 months since I came here to USA, I had lost 4 kgs and I was left with 2 months to gain that lost weight before me visiting home[India]. Else my mother would worry the moment she sees me.

I went home during March, had some good time with mom and sister and screwed up my personal life, which was completely f&%$ed up long back [Oh yeah, you are right, it’s about love, we guys live with past].

And the first thing which I did after coming back was buying a car. Yeah, it was love at first sight. I went to BMW showroom, saw that car and fell for her the moment I saw her. She was black, bright and vibrant. I drove her for ten minutes and she was so smooth, she was so strong and she was well in control. There was nothing much that I had to do with her, just enjoy the drive and have all pleasure!

Though it was well beyond my budget and limit, I made sure that I got her. I got everything that she needed to make sure that she will be all safe for next 5 years. And she was mine. I owned my first car, which was BMW 335i. And we lived happily, making a nice pair.

2009 was all about road trips! We drove to San Antonio, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Mississippi, and Big Bend. It is absolute fun when you drive; it is more when you drive like crazy. There were bad experience also; I got 2 speeding tickets during our trip to Colorado, that too within 5 hours gap. Once I was speeding up to 82 mph in 65 mph speed limit and the 2^nd time I got it when I was driving at 35 mph in 30 mph speed limit zone. Interestingly, when my friends were ripping off at 100 + mph, nothing would happen. The timing and the bad luck used to be just perfect with me, whenever I drive.

A friend of mine sends me links to few nice blogs and I liked this particular lines in one such blogs “If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it”. But it was too late by then and of course now it is irreverent ;-)

If you are a failure, how much ever you shout, whatever you tell, how much ever you make sense – nobody is going to give any damn to you. If you are a success, your every damn action will carry hell lots of meaning and messages. You don’t have to do anything; people will get things out of it.

Got confused or not making any sense? You are right, I am a failure J

There were some funny things as well. I was discussing [using communicator chat] with a friend of mine about movies. I was suggesting her few movies and even she was suggesting me few.

She said, “Watch this movie [I forgot the name], it’s really good. But it has lots of violence”

“Violence!? I don’t enjoy violence much, I don’t like too much of blood in movies”

“Oh, then watch this movie [I don’t remember the name of this movie as well, I wish I remember ;-)]”

I started looking for my to-watch-movie-list file and I said, “Yeah, sure I will watch it”

“But, it has lots of sex; I don’t think you like sex either!”

I was left with no words to respond back to comment. I regrouped all my courage and responded with a smile and closed the chat window, not even bothering to save the movie name. Yeah, there was some history with this girl, which is not important to share here. Things dint end there. I did the next stupid thing of telling it to two of my friends.

And their response was, “I wouldn’t have felt this bad if she slapped you on your face, but not this comment from a girl”.

And finally, 2009 was about to wind up and letting 2010 in and we guys decided to have some fun at Austin. We drove to Austin and this time I took my car as Austin is close by city, hardly 200 miles. We had good time, we welcomed 2010 at 6^th street of Austin downtown, with loads of crowds dancing and getting crazy, wild on the road.

We came back to Dallas on Jan 1^st night, had proper dinner at close by Indian restaurant and I was driving back home, less than a mile away from home. I saw a lady on phone blocking our way, the SUV in front of me waiting for her to let him move and I braked my car to halt and I was looking at that lady telling, “What the hell is she doing?”

That was the only thing that I remember and by then it was too late to realize that she was f&%$ing with me and I got f%$#ed badly. A car behind me, coming with all his will [speed], banged my car from back and my car was thrown out of the road, hitting and jumping the curb and finally falling on the grassy area. Air bags ejected out to save us and we realized all these only when everything was over. Luckily none of us were injured, we were all intact. But my car got smashed beyond repair, front and rear bumper got crushed, my laptop which was in the trunk got smashed, I lost all my personal data in the laptop and I lost my car, which I love like crazy. It was the most shocking 15 minutes of my life. I don’t think me having bumper to bumper insurance on my car [through BMW for next 5 years] and full coverage auto insurance will help me in getting back my car in shape and that same experience.

I wanted to start 2010 by ending 2009, by letting the past move on as I failed miserably to correct things which I wanted badly. I had realized that there is nothing that I can do about it and what I want can never be realized and can never be what I have to do. So, only way was to let things go.

But what happened next is, “Girish, you can’t escape from your past. I have different plans for you; let’s start your new year with a BANG and not by ending PAST”